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[coming out stories]

Jed Thomas McKay
Horse Breeder, Oklahoma City, OK
October 11, 2005


My name is Jed Thomas McKay. I'm not ashamed to give you my full name. I turned 27 last month and I was born and raised in Oklahoma. I'm a farm boy and I love to be outdoors and do anything that is physically demanding. I love challenges. I also love animals of all kinds, especially horses. I think they are the most beautiful creations on earth!

I was attracted to boys since I was very little. My family comes from very strong religious background and I learned in church that it is bad to be attracted to the same sex. My pastor said that all gays and lesbians will go to hell. So for many years, I repressed my feelings. I dated only girls. That was easy. So many girls in my church had a crush on me and they worked hard to learn ASL. I speak very well but am not a great lip reader. I made some very good friends and enjoyed their company BUT I did not feel any attraction to these girls I dated. For me, it was just friendship. For some of them, they really hoped that I might marry them one day. Chuckling. Maybe I would have if I had not finally accepted who I was.

When I was about 17, something -- thankfully! -- happened that would change the course of my life. A new family joined our church. That was how I met Felix, who would become my first love. He was one year older than me and very handsome. Beautiful green eyes. Great body. Amazing personality. When he would look at me, I felt my whole world would come to a standstill. Nothing existed at that moment in time but him and me. And he felt the same. I know it sounds almost like a cheesy romance novel, but that is exactly how we felt. And still feel today.

Felix taught me many things. I learned from him that it was okay to be gay. He told me that love is not a bad thing, even when the church tries to make it so. At first, I had a hard time to accept this because I had been trained and brainwashed for so long into believing that being gay was a sin. But if it is a sin, then why did God make us gay? Why did he make me and so many others like me and Felix this way? We did not choose to be this way or to have these feelings. We were born this way. God does not make mistakes.

Felix and I are still together today. We are celebrating our 10th year together in December. While we cannot legally marry, we are married in our hearts and we both wear commitment rings on our left hands. Our love is a deep one and all the homophobia in the world cannot break these bonds of love that we feel for each other.

We are no longer welcome at our church. We are very heart-broken about this. Felix's family has had a very hard time to accept him and from my family, only my sister Helen still speaks to me. She has been wonderful. We are very hurt and sad about the others. But we both would rather be together and live our life freely being who we are than trying to be someone or something we are not.

I am so thankful for all the support I got from DQRC over past few years. They helped keep my spirit strong!

We still believe in God and we believe that you don't need a church to worship Him. God loves all of us and He put all of us on this earth for a reason. Some people have easier life than others but bottom line, we are all God's children. God loves YOU. ME. EVERYBODY.



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