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[coming out stories]

Martin Lopez
Warehouse Supervisor, San Antonio, TX
October 11, 2004


I did not start to face my gay feelings until I was freshman at Gally. During NSO I met very cute guy name Roger and I could not stop think about him. He was same dorm floor as mine and we share same bathroom. One morning, I saw Roger come out of shower naked into bathroom and I just stare at him. I could not move. Like deer stuck in headlights. He laughed at me and went to mirror to comb his hair. I finally zoomed out of the bathroom. After that, every time I see him, I could not speak to him. I felt so embarrassed. I would look away from him. He would just laugh. One day I ask him why he always laugh at me and he said because he thought I'm very cute. He was so used to girls always drooling over him but it was new to have a boy do that. He said he liked it. I asked him if he was gay and he said maybe. I got so excited. I was not sure if it was true business or if he is playing with me. Later, he became my first lover. I was so excited. It was my first time. But not for him. He did before. I was surprised. He told me he did not want anyone to know about us. It was so hard for me to keep this exciting news private. I wanted whole world to know he belong to ME and I am his. But he was not ready. During Rockfest he invite a girl to be his date. I was so crushed. He was try so hard not to let anyone know he is gay. He had sex with her that night and really hurt my feelings so much. I realize I can't keep hiding who I am. It is not healthy for me to do that. So I told him he must make choice. Me or his closet. He chose to stay in his closet. I was very sad and angry at him for a long time. I was so thankful that I get lots of support from DeafQueer.org and few of my friends. I did not tell them his name as I did promise to him I will not reveal to them who. I got over him finally and met new guy. My new boyfriend is not in closet, he is proud to be himself. I'm happy I made right choice to move on and keep being proud of who I am.



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